you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
