My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Operation Purity has been aborted
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
