Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
