i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
