I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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