Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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