Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
