take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
