Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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