Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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