Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
