I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
