it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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