Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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