The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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