I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
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he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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