The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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