Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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