I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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