Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize