i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
