He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You took a bar mat shot.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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