Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
