Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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