Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
