I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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