he wants to bone in the snuggie
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
