2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
