We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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