and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
