We're facebook friends in real life
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
