and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
