cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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