she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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