it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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