Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
