I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
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