Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
