so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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