dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
