Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
