was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
