Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Randomize
