Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You can't special order awesome
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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