Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
