If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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