I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he fucked my hip out of place.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
