This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
