When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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