are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
