In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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