i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
