I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
