im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
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