i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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