Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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