If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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