I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
