chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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