P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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