She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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