what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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