even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize