So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
