omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
