Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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