I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
