he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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