hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
