You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
