I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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