I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
