Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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