I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
