Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
