Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
sex in a hospital.. check
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
