My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize