then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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